Be Nice to Your Spouse (Ladies…this means YOU too!)

The more I live in the US, the more I’m amazed at the shitty way that people treat each other.  A lot of the stuff that I notice and which drives me absolutely crazy is stuff that other people would dismiss as being just “small details.”  However, “the devil is in the details” as they say, and sooner or later somebody should start paying attention to the fact that there are more failed relationships in the US than there have ever been in any culture since the beginning of recorded history (funny how nobody ever emphasizes that fact).

People just aren’t nice to each other in the US.  I see it time and time again.  It’s in the little things, like a husband or a wife who refuses to just compliment their spouse on a daily basis.  People get into absurdly large battles over what amount to just tiny stuff because they seem to be programmed against being able to admit that somebody of the opposite sex can actually be even basically competent at something.  And in all honesty, it’s mostly the women who do the nit picking.

From a very early age I noticed a disparity (growing up in the US) in how men and women were treated, but it always seemed to me that women were being treated unequivocally better.  American society is built on a kind of begrudging admission that men are somehow morally inferior (which is absurd, both genders are equally flawed…it’s the only thing that you can believe).

Well, although this basic belief started out in kind of good humor, people have subsequently built upon it and the initial imperfect perception has become a point of irritation and marital contention.  Now it’s totally acceptable in American society for wives to loudly berate and belittle their husbands publicly and if the man dares to try to defend himself he comes off as petty and pathetic.

My wife watches these horrific displays where married couples try to one up each other with escalating and insulting quips and in private she often asks, “why the hell did these people marry each other if they hate each other so much?”

Really, it’s a simple observation but it’s truly profound.

I guess having watched too many episodes of “Sex in the City” many women think they’re being cool or hip by insulting the man in their life (belittling him, destroying him, undermining his achievements), but really all you prove by belittling your spouse is that you’re a fricking idiot for having married the guy in the first place.

What’s really the problem with building your spouse up?  Why is this so hard to understand?  If your spouse is happy and content, he/she is more capable of doing his/her work, more capable of making money, more capable of being successful…more capable of being a functioning pillar in a fulfilling and happy family life.

But most couples just aren’t willing to do the work and to stick with each other through the hard times.  Each individual seems to think that THEY are beyond reproach, so the entire cause of all the misery in their lives is their partner.

It’s bullshit.

But then you get these weak ass men who absorb and put up with complaints rather than say, “Look, stop it and start supporting me!” (so they are partly to blame too).

Well, when it comes right down to it, I think your chances of having a successful marriage are pretty low if you’re an American man marrying an American woman.  The programming is unfair and ridiculous (and it’s a lot to battle with).  Expect the divorce rate (aka the relationship FAILURE rate) to continue at a high level or even increase until people start putting their heads on straight and seeing things in a way that’s more or less FAIR instead of WHOLLY SELF SERVING!!!!

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1 Comment

  1. 09/28/2016

    Hi, Ben — I'd like to hear some sample conversations you've been witnessing lately. It's been a while since I've been in the U.S., so I need some reminders. 🙂

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