Fincher’s “The Social Network” is a Steaming Pile of Crap

To quote a friend of mine, I’m about to sound “as relevant as a Rush Limbaugh rant from 1982” but I’m just a little bit behind the times these days.  I rarely get to see movies at the theater anymore (although I was able to catch “Sucker Punch” last week and I wrote this review for Yahoo).

I was kind of excited to watch “The Social Network” for two reasons.  One was that it was getting all kinds of Oscar buzz…back in whatever year it was nominated for the Oscars, and the other was that it had been directed by David Fincher.
David Fincher is an interesting case.  He had been making some pretty cool movies back in the 90’s.  Even the uncool movies he made like Alien (to the 3rd power I guess I’m supposed to write) were pretty spectacular to behold.  By the time he got to “Seven,” he had shown that he was enough of a visionary director to see Brad Pitt’s star power even though the guy couldn’t talk (yes, there was a time that we all scoffed at Brad Pitt because…well, he couldn’t frickin’ talk).  So Fincher was on the radar, but when he hit us with “Fight Club” the wheels came off.
Not because “Fight Club” was bad…but because “Fight Club” was so spectacularly awesome that none of the dipshits in charge of judging what makes a good film could ever possibly have recognized it.
I really doubt that any piece of literature or art is going to have as profound an impact on my life as “Fight Club” did.  In all honesty, if it hadn’t been for that film, I probably wouldn’t have decided to just throw caution to the wind and move to Lima, Peru.  The scenes that resonated especially were the moments when Norton and Pitt are living together in that shitty old abandoned house.  I had been dreaming of living in some shithole for years, not because I like to torment myself, but because the lack of payments and anything material to drag you down means you’re fucking FREE!  But to actually SEE a film where they were promoting such an idea was mind blowing!  I hadn’t realized that this was a shared compulsion/fantasy…so I packed my bags and decided to live it.
Anyway, the critics pretty much crucified Fincher and awarded the Oscar to “American Beauty” that year (a film with the exact same themes…but which are handled with about 1% of “Fight Club’s” style).  Fincher’s never recovered, and we’ve gotten idiotic movies like “Benjamin Button,” “Panic Room” and now “The Social Network” out of Hollywood’s once most promising director.
I’ve been annoyed with Fincher over the years, but I was happy enough to see him nominated because I still hope that if he eventually wins an award, he return to his edgier “Fight Club” type roots.
Well, that didn’t turn out to be the case with “Social Network.”  What a steaming pile of crap of a movie.
First of all, I think the only reason this film got nominated is because the 50+ year olds who do the voting viewed it as kind of a documentary as to what the fuck Facebook even is.  But the main thing the film gets wrong is that it acts like Facebook is some major social event.
Newsflash, Facebook is just a platform.  The awesomeness is elsewhere.
I think America’s ridiculous bullshit fascination with artificially printed pieces of green paper is what drives the “Social Network” fascination.  Just because something is worth a billion dollars, doesn’t mean it’s not something you wouldn’t want to wipe your ass with.  Frankly, this whole “Facebook is the Messiah” attitude is getting really fucking old.  Especially when you consider that the whole fundamental impulse to invent Facebook was just to meet girls for a cheap, meaningless screw.
Have you even been on Facebook lately?  The thing that really drives me crazy about that page are the absurd limits.  You can only have 5000 friends in order to maintain the “purity” of the site (what fucking purity?) and if you log in from somewhere other than your home, you have to identify thirty friends or something or the site won’t believe that you are you.
They seem to want to prevent you from using the page you create on their site in the way you want to.  Which is basically against every bullshit semi-ideological principle that Zuckerberg claims to stand for (at least the fictionalized version of him in the stupid oscar nominated film).
“The Social Network” is a stupid series of flashbacks and flashforwards that encompass the inspiration and development of Facebook as well as the inevitable lawsuits that came up once the site became worth a billion dollars.  There’s not one single appealing character in the film…with the possible exception of the utterly slutty facebook groupies (and they’re not appealing for anything other than superficial reasons).  There are one or two scenes when the Zuckerberg guy spits off some nice little arrogant speeches, but these are ruined by the mere presence of Justin “bye-bye-bye” Timberlake (any movie that has that dude cannot be taken seriously).
In short, what “The Social Network” needed was a big, heaping, steaming pile of Tyler Durden to kick it in the teeth and then force it to drink a fifty gallon tank worth of reality through a straw.
Please…Mr. Fincher…come back to the land of the uncompromising!
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