My Excellent Movie Room

You run into a problem here in Peru in that the executives in charge of Directv are a bunch of brain dead morons. For example, back in 2006 we used to get ALL the NFL games. But then somebody came along and started putting up a stink and in the end they replaced the complete package for one where you only get to watch four games at noon and four games at 3….

You know…just writing that makes me so frickin’ furious that I can’t hardly continue! I mean, who comes up with an idea that’s so bad? These people are supposed to be PROFESSIONALS? Don’t they have a marketing department? Don’t they all have buisness degrees that they got from the finest schools that their mommies and daddies (who also own the business they eventually start working for) paid for?

I mean what kind of frickin’ retard comes up with a football package for a major cable company that DOESN’T EVEN ALLOW YOU TO FOLLOW YOUR OWN DAMN TEAM! It’s mind boggling. I seriously want to throttle these people. I want to grab them by the back of the head and smash them against the dashboard forty times like that scene from Radiers of the lost ark.

It’s how you watch football! You watch your TEAM! Who makes a football package where you can’t watch your own TEAM!

To some extent it’s just a cultural problem. Directv only charges 50$ for their NFL package, and that was fine when they gave us ALL the games. But then they decided that it was too good a deal so they cut it down to this shit package that doesn’t do anybody any good (it’s like a half hard-on, like the executives of Directv invariably constantly walk around with).


Hey, directv executives? Can you hear me? You guys are frickin’ idiots! As Christian Bale would say, “What don’t you @#$#*@ing understand?” (thanks to Clyde for the following video, but open it at your own risk):

The thing that they can’t seem to grasp even after countless letters and phone calls from me and all my friends is that we will happilly pay the 300$ or whatever to get ALL the games!

Some people even resort to getting pirate feeds from Puerto Rico which cost them a couple thousand dollars.

Do the math Directv executives. Sure, you’ll lose subscribers if you charge 300$, but the ones you retain WILL PAY MORE!

Still not convinced?

How about if you use the SCIENTIFIC METHOD and offer BOTH packages for a year and see if ANYONE buys your stupid half package…


Well, getting back to the original thrust of this article. I eventually resorted to watching all my NFL games on Yahoo (300$ again and the quality sucks but you get ALL the games…at least when the internet doesn’t cut out).

So, once I got the yahoo package, I bought a refurbished viewsonic projector and converted my guest bedroom into a movie room. Above you can see me trying it out with the Oracle scene from “300” no less (seriously, is there a more perfect screen shot that I might have chosen)?


It’s frickin’ awesome and so is my movie room, so Directv can go suck it in the hell of rotting pig entrails (reference “Big Trouble in Little China”).

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1 Comment

  1. gls5000

    I'm thinking about getting DirecTV, anything to avoid Telefonica (through Cable Magico). On the whole they seem infinitely more competent than the monkeys who work at Telefonica (so far) and if not showing every single NFL game is their only crime then I'm happy to take their services. Now I just need to think about whether to swallow the astronomical $119 installation fee.

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