Merry Christmas everybody, although for the record Christ wasn’t born on this day…no, they changed the birth date to coincide with the Winter Solstice because that would make all the tribes of pagans throughout the world be a little more inclined to believe Christ was legit (since EVERYBODY used to celebrate the Solstice…since we start having longer days now). Christ was actually a Pisces like me 🙂 Just one of a million little lies contained in the Bible…but that’s neither here nor there.
Those of you who know me know that I have a thing about watching “Conan the Barbarian” on Christmas. Like all Christmas movies, Conan spends the whole thing wandering around half-naked in the desert and he eventually gets crucified (it seriously IS a Christmas movie). I can’t relate the argument any better than I did here, so go and read that article and get back to me.
I have to say that I’m really frickin’ impressed with the “Conan the Barbarian Musical” in the youtube clip featured above. Anybody who tries to sing a song in an Arnold Schwartz (that’s what I call him these days) voice has an entry from me in the book of awesome. Also, watching the whole damn “Conan the Barbarian” every year is getting a little old frankly, so I think I’ll just keep the tradition alive by watching this two minute clip (gots things to do).
However, Christmas is a time for escaping your family with either football or movies, so I thought I’d compile a list of Christmas movies that might have flown under your radar. What that means is you haven’t watched these a million times on Christmas so they’ll be fresh for you (comparatively) and you’ll still be engaging in the Christmas spirit (man…that Conan clip has me chuckling still).
Nothing like killing a terrorist and having a little fun with it. Seriously, Die Hard is a waaaaay Christmas movie. There’s even a tree I think, and they light up that building like a Yule lantern (is there such a thing). This is a totally appropriate movie for the whole family on Christmas…yeah, it might not have been a good Christmas choice like 15 years ago when it was still considered violent…but constant exposure to more and more extreme levels of violence on a daily basis has lest us all so desensitized that we laugh even when that guy gets his head blown off in the beginning and it just looks like a jiggering bowl of Cranberry sauce (another Christmassy event). This movie also has a religious theme in the fact that the Amish guy from Witness goes all bad ass and tries to blow everyone away at the end.
You probably forgot about this little moment in Gremlins…unless you saw the movie ever in your childhood where it was BURNED into your psyche for the rest of time. Yeah, I bet you could almost recite this story verbatim when you saw the link. You know, I always wondered if they still opened up the presents that daddy was bringing. I would have 🙂
South Park: Woodland Critter Christmas:
Ok, season 8 episode 14 of South Park. Pure awesome! The above video is a commentary about the making of woodland critter Christmas because you really have to go out and watch the thing in its entirety. It’s truly the best Christmas special ever. I used to make everyone who walked into my house sit down and watch this darn thing, and half of them never came back. In fact, I made my whole family watch this last year, and finally my sister, who hadn’t said two words the whole night finally said two words, and those two words were “Let’s go.” Holy cow, woodland critter Christmas is awesome. Owen…you’re especially going to like this one.
Star Wars Christmas Special from 1978:
I’m sure you won’t remember this except for some vague memory of Han Solo appearing on TV one time that everybody you knew insisted never happened. Well, the truth is it did happen, much to the chagrin of George Lucas who tried to destroy every copy ever made. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t anticipate the invention of YouTube which makes it possible for the WHOLE WORLD to see a video even when only one copy survived the bonfire.
This is a totally crappy made for TV special that ran for like two hours and is totally unwatchable. Heck, this five minute clip is almost unwatchable. It was one of those deals where they had like thirty seconds of footage of Han and Luke which they used to endlessly promote the damn thing, only to show those clips ONLY at the very end for 2 seconds.
Honestly, when I was 3 it would have been hard to be a bigger Star Wars fan than I was…and even I got bored watching this damn thing…I remember.
So there you have it folks, a bunch of otherwise overlooked Christmas viewing material. I’ll send you off with another musical just because I think it’s awesome…you not expendable…the Rambo II musical…MERRY CHRISTMAS!: