Somebody’s Got to Mess with you Every Stinking Day!


I was just reflecting on the fact that you basically can’t get out of bed on any given day without facing the probability that some dipshit is going to give you a hard time over something even though s/he would be just as well served to just let it go.  When faced with an opportunity to be reasonable versus an opportunity to be a raging fucking prick, a terrifyingly large percentage of people elect to be a raging fucking prick.

Is it just me?  Or has anyone else noticed this?
A couple of the main culprits are banks or the phone company (not to mention the government…and I haven’t even BEGUN to write articles about my experience getting my wife her visa to the US…just think, I harbored my rage about ACAP for 3 years before I published an article revealing those guys/girls to be bastards…just IMAGINE what I have stored up about the US embassy which was giving me a hard time as little as one year ago!).
An example I can think of is the following.  I was at a bank about 5 years ago (I told you I can harbor a grudge) and I was closing an account because it had like $2000 in it and I needed that money to spend in Peru.  Anyway, I walked into the bank and asked to close my account.  It’s amazing how right away when you go to close an account, the guy/girl behind the desk gets all bitchy with you.  I mean…YEAH…I GET it, I’m taking my business from them so why should they be nice to me anymore?  But, seriously, wouldn’t it be a better operating policy for a for profit business to be NICE to EVERYONE who came in just out of habit.  Do they have little seminars where they discuss what proper employee/client treatment is and then say, “but in the case that the bastard is closing his account, feel free to treat him like shit?”
First of all they ASK you why you’re closing your account (or they ask if they can ask you which is even more bullshit because in asking if they can ask a question “Can I ask you if I’ve asked you this already?” you’ve already ASKED THE FUCKING QUESTION!  It’s like they’re FORCING their damn question on you and it pisses me off…it wastes 3 seconds of your time [which is priceless] and it bullies you into answering…seriously, try going into one of these places and just saying, “no, you can’t ask me that” and watch how pissed off they get).  Sometimes I tell them that I’ll explain why I’m closing my account for a monthly $15 dollar fee for the rest of my life (which usually indicates why I’m REALLY closing the account…and speaking of that, wouldn’t it be great to bill banks and telephone companies and the government on a monthly basis like they do to us every time they pissed us off…for example if you had to wait in line at the embassy for 4 hours, wouldn’t it be nice if you could bill them like $150 an hour?  I might have to get some fancy looking invoices printed up and then just start sending them out to telephone companies and such whenever they use up my time…who knows, maybe you’ll get a guy who’s on his first day a the job and he’ll just pay it).
So anyway, I was closing this account and they said, “for YOUR convenience we’d like to issue you a cashier’s check instead of cash for the price of $5.”
Now, THAT got my blood boiling, especially because the androgynous teller just continued on to the next point like there was no possible way that I could disagree (I guess people are used to accepting any kind of bullshit fee so they just lay down like the newest rabbit at the pet store).
“Wait, wait, wait,” I said, “I’M doing YOU a favor by accepting the check.”
The teller just looked at me blankly.
“If you don’t give me a check, then it’s going to clean out your cash drawer.  So you can either give me cash, or you can give me the check for free.”
The teller didn’t say anything he/she just got all pissed off and started counting out bills.  And that’s another thing, even the most basic employee doesn’t have the most minor authority to do something like issue a cashier’s check without permission.  CHRIST that is bullshit!  It’s obvious that it’s in the best interests of the BANK to issue the check…but just because some jerk-off got his master’s degree in business by writing a thesis about how a bank could charge for that check and make an extra million dollars in basically free income a year, all banks do it.
So I got my $2000 in cash (which I probably wouldn’t want to walk around with in Lima) and went on my merry way…but I was irritated, and I figure the bank owes me a cash settlement for emotional distress…
How many bank pens will I have to rip off those metal chains and sell on ebay before I feel compensated?  I’ll tell you when I know the answer.

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