The First Days of the Lima Apartment


Here’s a photo that’s sure to bring a tear to my wife’s eye (she actually DOES have two just in case you were wondering due to my poor grammar). Why you ask? Because it’s among the first pictures taken at our apartment in Lima. As you can see, this is one of the very first days because there isn’t so much as a light bulb in the socket.

What strikes me when I look at this room now is probably something similar to what I felt the first day I walked in there. The room has POTENTIAL!

However, what most gutless morons who have no style (people unlike myself obviously) see is a perfectly acceptable room ready to be moved into.

Excuse me! What about the frickin’ color?

I don’t know what idiot it was who wrote the asinine book on making “safe” interior decorating decisions, but in chapter one, page one, paragraph one he said something along the lines of, “if you don’t use white, use a color so watered down with white that it is essentially white anyway.”

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve talked to people who were all excited about painting their house a new color. They call me up, they WAKE me up in the middle of the night, “It’s going to be SO AWESOME!” They spend like 800$ to have some guy do it, and then I come over thinking this is going to be some radical Jackson Pollockesque masterpiece and all they’ve done is go from beige to tan.

WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!

For the love of god, use a color that’s something other than just a watered down version of white! You can make it any color you want, it’s YOUR Frickin’ place and WHITE is NOT your favorite color…white is NOBODY’S favorite color (the only people who think that are white supremists). White SUCKS in fact, down with white you frickin’ racist! If you aren’t already halfway out of your seat on your way to Menards or Sodimac (no, they don’t sell Sodomy there) then I’m sicking the NAACP on you as well as Jessie Jackson (two guys with Jackson in their names in the same article).

Anyway, when I started painting, I went down to Sodimac (still no Sodomy) got three gallons of Nautical Blue (a REAL color), threw some Michael Jackson on the radio (not really, just keeping with the Jackson theme)…oh, and I paid for my paint with a 20 dollar bill featuring Andrew Jackson, then I watched Snakes on a Plane (featuring Samuel L. Jackson), and then I watched as Good as it Gets because it has JACK nicholSON in it.

When I was more or less done a year later, my room looked like this:


Yeah baby, now that’s a color that MY BOY would approve of (his name would be Ben JonJAK’S SON in case you didn’t catch that brilliant connection).

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1 Comment

  1. Rodney
    09/28/2016
    Reply

    Let's hope it's still the same color when you get back to Lima. LOL Just kidding buddy.

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