The Marriott Toilet, Best Crapper in Lima!


I love bathrooms in fancy shmancy hotels because it’s irrefutable proofs that no matter how high and mighty a Pituco asshole you think you are, every now and then you still have to take a shit! It’s almost as if these people are EMBARRASSED to admit that they have to perform this perfectly natural bodily function. Like they want to keep it a SECRET because it doesn’t mesh with their superior attitude. As a result, when you go into these fancy bathrooms, they are filled with this stuffy attitude and all these weird bronze gilded faucets and mood lighting…plus a strange guy who stands in the corner and says “thank you sah…” no matter what you do to him! Seriously, that guy who stands in the corner in bathrooms with his nifty suit has been WELL TRAINED! Generally he just stands there handing out towels and saying “thank you sah….” but I BET that if you were to return that towel all dripping wet and covered in excrement, he wouldn’t bat an eye, he’d just take it and say “thank you sah…” with the same muffled enthusiasm that he uses to approach all of life.

Anyway, I just wanted to mention the Marriott bathroom because it was one of Rex Chatterman’s favorite places. The guy couldn’t see fit to take a crap ANYWHERE in Lima EXCEPT the Marriott. Seriously, we’d be sitting on Pizza St. playing poker and then, out of the blue, Rex would say, “Uh-oh guys…hold on a second,” and then he’d go SPRINTING down the streets on his way to the Marriott to take a crap. God that was funny! He wouldn’t even crap at Ripley which was always MY favorite place to go when caught short in Lima.

So, in conclusion, if you’re in Miraflores and you want to go to a bathroom where you are assured of finding toilet paper (or maybe even scented towels) head to the Marriott. Here’s the address:

Malecon de la Reserva 615

Miraflores, Lima, Peru,

But remember, the Marriott is one of those elitist places and if you look too much like an indigenous Peruvian they probably won’t let you in (which gives you just reason in my book to totally destroy their bathroom when you DO get in and shove that “Thank you sah…” guy’s head deep, deep, into the porcelain…I’m not a big fan of racism).

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6 Comments

  1. 09/28/2016
    Reply

    How 'bout just dive into the Tasca and take care of business there? Never know, you might start a whole new adventure. Certainly much better than the Marriott.

  2. Anonymous
    09/28/2016
    Reply

    SORRY but must protest! the best toilet in Lima is the Tiendecita Blanca on the Ovalo Miraflores. Ive been going there for 12 years whenever i visited. Not only do their toilet stalls match the ornateness of the main dining room, they even sometimes keep a vat of MOUTHWASH in the bathroom for you.
    caroline
    ps i can really only speak for the Ladies restroom.

  3. Anonymous
    09/28/2016
    Reply

    i particularly like the comment "if you look too much like an indigenous Peruvian they probably won't let you in". came back from climbing, totally dirty, hardly anybody would have recognized, but the marriott let me into their toilett. made me think though

  4. Anonymous
    09/28/2016
    Reply

    Thanks Ben for this article it's about time. By the way I would also use the damas bathroom at the Pub if it wasn't crowded. Which now that I think about I don't know why, womens bathrooms tend to have more piss on them b/c females squat w/o aiming, so when I would use the womens bathroom to piss (mens was occupied) I would always flip the seat up (toilet seats in 3rd world are a luxury)so the people after me would know it wasn't I who pissed all over it. Any janitor or person who frequents places where they feeel comfortable to use either bathroom would agree.
    REX

  5. Anonymous
    09/28/2016
    Reply

    That's a long walk from pizza street to the marriot to just find a clean toilet. Hell if he walked that far why not his own apartment which was about the same distance? Then again knowing Rex back then he might of been so low on funds(Rattermen notes no longer finding takers) at the time that he could not afford to buy toilet paper back in his own place.

    Clyde

  6. Anonymous
    09/28/2016
    Reply

    I have to share the opinion about the toilet seats. I have been amazed by how many establishments do not have toilet seats and some no toilet paper in the women's restroom. More specifically I am speaking of most bars in Barranco and the worst to date is Plaza Vea in Miraflores, which also allows a male attendant to enter the restroom to clean while it is occupied. Sometimes with young girls. Maybe I am sounding too american (married to a Peruvian) but some privacy and paper would be nice.

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