I love bathrooms in fancy shmancy hotels because it’s irrefutable proofs that no matter how high and mighty a Pituco asshole you think you are, every now and then you still have to take a shit! It’s almost as if these people are EMBARRASSED to admit that they have to perform this perfectly natural bodily function. Like they want to keep it a SECRET because it doesn’t mesh with their superior attitude. As a result, when you go into these fancy bathrooms, they are filled with this stuffy attitude and all these weird bronze gilded faucets and mood lighting…plus a strange guy who stands in the corner and says “thank you sah…” no matter what you do to him! Seriously, that guy who stands in the corner in bathrooms with his nifty suit has been WELL TRAINED! Generally he just stands there handing out towels and saying “thank you sah….” but I BET that if you were to return that towel all dripping wet and covered in excrement, he wouldn’t bat an eye, he’d just take it and say “thank you sah…” with the same muffled enthusiasm that he uses to approach all of life.

Anyway, I just wanted to mention the Marriott bathroom because it was one of Rex Chatterman’s favorite places. The guy couldn’t see fit to take a crap ANYWHERE in Lima EXCEPT the Marriott. Seriously, we’d be sitting on Pizza St. playing poker and then, out of the blue, Rex would say, “Uh-oh guys…hold on a second,” and then he’d go SPRINTING down the streets on his way to the Marriott to take a crap. God that was funny! He wouldn’t even crap at Ripley which was always MY favorite place to go when caught short in Lima.

So, in conclusion, if you’re in Miraflores and you want to go to a bathroom where you are assured of finding toilet paper (or maybe even scented towels) head to the Marriott. Here’s the address:

Malecon de la Reserva 615

Miraflores, Lima, Peru,

But remember, the Marriott is one of those elitist places and if you look too much like an indigenous Peruvian they probably won’t let you in (which gives you just reason in my book to totally destroy their bathroom when you DO get in and shove that “Thank you sah…” guy’s head deep, deep, into the porcelain…I’m not a big fan of racism).

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