A friend of mine sent me this picture and it made me reflect on the fact that I’ve only gotten really sick in Lima twice, and they both came after eating at Pizza Hut.
I know…a lot of you who read this blog consistently (good for you) will stand up and scream, “But Mr. Peru…you’re always ranting and raving about why people shouldn’t eat at Pizza Hut! How can it be that YOU have eaten at Pizza Hut in Peru?”
Well…the answer dipshits is that I came to my philosophy about NOT eating at Pizza Hut in Peru after HAVING eaten at Pizza Hut in Peru!!!!
But anyway, so once back in like 2001 I went in and ate at the Pizza Hut in the above image. Now, it’s a nice enough Pizza Hut because when you’re traveling overseas and you’re like 25 you get that longing to experience something from home. I say “like 25” because if you’re still feeling that longing when you’re in your mid forties you’re a dipshit (feel free to tell me why I’m wrong in the comments and I’ll respectfully delete them). Oh, and if you’re going to Pizza Hut of all places to get that sensation of home…I just don’t know what to say.
Anyway, the two times I ate at Pizza Hut and got sick…it was ridiculously sick. I mean, this was a level of vomiting and sweating and generally feeling bad the likes of which isn’t easily equaled by other sicknesses. This was the type of sickness where you want to simply put a bullet in your head and be done with it. This was the type of sickness that left you (or me rather) crouching over the toilet bowl and literally hurling little pieces of chewed up green pepper and mushrooms into the back of the toilet bowl. They left little indentations…such was the force of their velocity (f=ma actually, so I guess I should have said “force of their mass times their acceleration…there’s also a force of velocity [f=mv], so I could have said “such was the force [subscript v] of their velocity times their mass.”).
Ok…now I lost my train of thought (distant sound of clapping).
One time I got sick because of a meat lovers pizza, and the other time it was because of the supreme, but both times it was exactly the same. The first time I swore off pizza hut pizza for life (it only lasted about two months though). The second time I was done and I remain done!
Don’t eat at Pizza Hut you fools…eat at Astrid & Gaston!!!