The True Streets of Peru


Isn’t this shot awesome!  There are like fifty totally innocuous things in this image that Americans have been secretly conditioned to be afraid of.

Number one is the non-American flag in the foreground.  I mean…Jesus, what’s with America and all the damn flags?  You can’t even watch Spider-Man without having the damn character drape himself in an American flag every time he webs around a building.  Or in Transformers when the transformers actually take the time to stop and knock American flags off bridges and stuff…like they give a shit about American flags.  Honestly, this flag fixation goes to a ridiculous extreme I think.  It’s Idolatry frankly (it says in the Bible you’re not supposed to do that…but oddly, Bible followers are the ones that get the most upset when you don’t violently respect the flag in public…like give yourself six cracked vertebrae and nine chipped teeth as you prostrate yourself before it).  Seriously…all the contradictions are driving me mad, quick story, it’s a digression but don’t worry.  My wife’s working as a bi-lingual assistant here in Wisconsin and every day they have all these lessons about tolerance for other cultures and all that other bullshit they pretend they think is important but nobody really gives two shits about.  Anyway, they’d just got done with one of these lectures and the teacher was standing there smiling at my wife with her, “I hope the foreigner in the room has taken appropriate notice as to how fucking TOLERANT I am of her culture” look on her face.  Anyway, about two seconds after the whole “tolerance” talk, they started reciting the pledge of allegiance over the intercom.  All the students snapped to attention and started mouthing the words, but my wife, who is not an American, did not.  
Get this…
The teacher got PISSED!
“Why aren’t you doing the pledge of allegiance?” the woman cried as her teeth narrowed into fangs and the whites of her eyes were replaced with deep, black, seething holes.
“Because it’s NOT MY FUCKING FLAG DIPSHIT…WHAT WAS THE WHOLE BULLSHIT TALK ABOUT TOLERANCE ABOUT?”
Sigh…(incidentally, that’s the kind of altercation women can really have without coming to blows, for better or for worse).
So anyway, I think I got the whole American flag thing covered.
Ok, more things Americans are conditioned to be afraid of: The buildings look like something you might see in a Jason Bourne movie, not the GOOD part of the movie where Jason’s kind of come to the conclusion that he can kick anyone’s ass and he’s probably going to be OK even though he still doesn’t know what the fuck is going on…but the BAD part of the movie, like right in the beginning when he wakes up tied to a bedspring hooked up to a AC generator with his face and mouth covered by a wet towel for waterboarding and…WHOA…he doesn’t even know who the fuck he is (he’ll need to read a name off a passport with his picture on it sooner or later…I’ve had mornings like that too, except there was no bedspring or AC generator or towel and I was just really fucking drunk…the walls looked like that though)!
The last thing that scares the PISS out of Americans…the kids AREN’T playing baseball or American football.  It’s amazing how much this freaks Americans out.  It’s interesting, when you see an American walk by a game of soccer (they call it “soccer” and everybody else calls it “football”) they are subconsciously compelled to make some sort of snide comment.  The conditioned HATRED Americans feel for soccer would only be baffling if anybody ever stopped to think about it (which they don’t, because that’s how conditioning works [this is a masterpiece of a blog post by the way, I should get a nobel fucking prize in blogging for this blog post, Toni Morrison couldn’t write a blog post this good if you gave her a million years]).
To be completely honest, if you were to download my brain right now and check out all the images in there, you’d be BLOWN AWAY by the sheer percentage of times I’ve been sitting in darkened taxis staring out at Ominous landscapes like the one in the above image.  I’ve literally spent like 3-7% of my life sitting in taxis wondering who the fuck I was and looking for a passport image that resembled me with a name attached to it.
I’ve had an awesome fucking life.
Previous Traveling Tips for the Technological World
Next Sitting with The Mystical Warlock of Cusco

2 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    09/22/2016
    Reply

    Sorry, Mr Peru, but I really cant tell how serious you are. If, in fact, you're so fucked up so often to the point that you hardly know who you are, I suggest that you get some quick therapy, if not for your own sake, for that of your wife. And if you really have been that screwed up so often while in Peru, then it's a pretty gpod thing that you left and returned to the USA. If you really are as fucked up as you suggest in your blog, you really must have left a sorry impression with the Peruvians, and they probably thought "good riddance" when you left. I really don't like to be critical, but your comments suggest that you really may need some serious help. You may have had an awesome life, but I get the feeling that your close family members wish that it was a more tame one and with less alcohol in it.Naturally, if you were just kidding around, I withdraw these comments.

  2. Dean Charles Marshall
    09/22/2016
    Reply

    Quite frankly this Peruvian street looks a hell of a lot better than many I've seen in Detroit, Chicago, Baltimore and even Washington D.C. Americans think "their shit don't stink" as their entire national infrastructure system crumbles around them. It is estimated that by 2025 if there isn't a massive effort to repair our antiquated highways, damns, bridges, electrical power grids, sewage and water treatment facilities 30% of the population could experience essentially daily "isolation" gridlock, where due to some infrastructure breakdown or malfunction masses of people could have many their daily routines put on hold indefinitely until there's an emergency repair or rebooting. In America, how is that possible? Because we've allowed everything to go to shit, literally. Christ, America was once considered the "bread basket" of the world until we decided residential and commercial real estate made more sense than an acre of fresh tomatoes and spinach, so we covered as much of the green as possible with asphalt and stucco and well, you know the rest of the story regarding real estate. Not to digress, but I would love to see all real estate agents, mortgage brokers and Wall Street investment bankers taken out to a cornfield and beaten mercilessly to death with aluminum baseball bats like Joe Pesci and his brother in the finale of "Casino". Ouch, that's gotta hurt. People in those professions are nothing but pathetic, despicable, overly paid cucarachas(cockroaches) who need to atone for their sins in a big, big way. Sorry, but those cretins "killed the goose that laid the golden egg" and that's a fact. Now about the American flag, the Pledge of Allegiance and tolerance, I think the definition of HYPOCRISY is applicable to them all and so is BULLSHIT. The American Dream was one of the most ingenious and diabolical pieces of "there's a sucker born everyday" propaganda ever created. Don't get me wrong, I love my country very much, I just don't trust it anymore. It's funny how one little photo can elicit so much emotion. Have a nice day.

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