So there I was, watching the Hanover part II, enjoying my memorial day weekend, when all of a sudden the monkey started smoking…
Now, that in itself was no problem. However, just the shot of that little monkey lighting up a cigarette psychically teleported me to the inevitable frickin’ reaction two days from now when a bunch of privileged assholes from the US are going to have a shit fit about how “cruel” it is to teach a monkey to smoke and all that other crap.
Seriously, on a daily basis does anybody else get really fucking fed up with holier than thou Americans who start bitching about stupid shit like that? And are there people from any other country in the world that would get their panties all up in a bunch about a smoking monkey, or is it only Americans who get all huffy about something so asinine?
Isn’t it kind of sad and pathetic that THAT is the current state of American mentality. They like to think of themselves as knights in shining armor saving all the poor and innocent creatures of the world without even the slightest concern or care whether or not that monkey might have CHOSEN to start smoking on his/her own (the gender is not explicitly stated so I had to use BOTH the fucking masculine and feminine pronouns because that’s another thing American dipshits tend to get all pissed off about…seriously? Is it only Americans who get pissed off about PRONOUNS….does anybody else care?).
So here these people will be, watching that monkey and shaking their head and normally I wouldn’t give a fuck about those assholes…but the thing is, it’s gotten to the point where THEIR stupidity has invaded MY subconscious and it’s making it difficult for me to enjoy a movie about a couple guys out enjoying what turns out to be a pretty bland weekend (I mean seriously folks, the shit the guys do in the Hangover is NOTHING and if you haven’t had nights like that you need to rethink the stupid choices you’ve made in your “life” [in quotes because you don’t have one]).
Oh, and they reenact a still shot from that famous fucking LIFE magazine war is horror bullshit…hey…why the fuck are magazines like LIFE and TV shows like OPRAH allowed to exploit the innocent for ratings/money, but if a movie does it for laughs…THEY’RE the bad guys (oh and the reason I brought that up is because…and this is a weird story…but one of the bars I go to after work insists on showing Oprah after Jeopardy and…yeah that’s weird…so if I haven’t finished my beer by final jeopardy I have to choke it down while watching Oprah [I’m not going to just LEAVE it obviously]…anyway Oprah came on and was asking a bunch of questions to these little kids who had been abandoned by their mother…I’M NOT KIDDING…like, “how do you feel now that your mother has ABANDONED you? Do you feel like it’s YOUR fault?” [she seriously fucking said that]…yet nobody’s all over her like they are Tiki Barber for his last stupid bullshit…Christ anything to sell trash newspapers these days, what a crock).
So, to sum up, the Hangover Part II is clearly the best film of the summer and deserves the Academy Award.